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so sleep alone tonight
Hello! im Celest or you may call me YINGYING! (:I attend City Harvest Church @JW &im in W341! woooooHooooo! Fairfield Methodist Secondary School is somewhere i get my education. Im born on the 5 Dec 1992! so keep that in your head! RAR! D: so, feel free to tag on my board! (: br /> |
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about this blog
This blog was opened by celest to accomodate celest's mindless musings and daily rantings.Do enjoy your stay here, and don't take what's not yours! tagboard
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
new blog!
hey! ive shifted! :D www.redkisses.wordpress.com its time to change.
well, skipped school today. like finally ONCE again. slept a little longer and woke up to go JE library to study with Edeline, Shawn and Ben. Met theo & his friend there too. SK was supposed to come but she overslept. so yea. ohwell. studied quite alot today, like SS. almost finishing the Sec3 book alrdy. however, i was not feeling accomplished enough. wanted to stay on and study more but Ben was tired.. so we headed home instead. x: rar! as i was on my way home, i felt really upset inside. i jus didnt like how i felt jus now. i was so afraid people would see my eyes being red and all.the song 'Because Of You - CHC' kept 'playing' in my head as i was walking back & it was that time, the minute i step into my house, i started to cry.. i couldnt control myself but i just kept crying. i was rather upset cos i couldnt spend more time with him which i wanted badly.. ): just thinking of the days i wont be able to see him is jus enough to kill me. sigh. honestly, i didnt like today at all. sigh. i feel that im really being very selfish towards Ben and its time for me to change myself. i dont want to be who i am now anymore. happy anniversary~
this song really makes my heart feel at peace. :) 050409 HAPPY 4TH MONTH DEAREST! :) lovelove!
YAY! NEW iPod NANO ! :D im sucha lucky girl! :D new nano, new earphones and new iPod casing! :D really blessed! :D thanks to my 2nd Sister and God :D was really dying to have one since last year. i waited and waited and waiting till today! :D Weeeeheee! :D i cant discribe my feelings! or should i say, HOW HAPPY I AM! :D weeheheee! anw! its AUGUST already! D: my gosh! time really flies! D: 3days passed alrdy! and in 2days time its gonna be a special DAY! :D im so excited! :D i wonder whats planned for me!! :D i pray and i really pray that it'll really be a suprise for me :) Prelims is just next friday! my gosh ): im so so so afraid! theres loads to catch up! D: no more going out till end of prelims! apart from dinner after MTT! :D hahaha. i jus love fellowshiping with my Strikeforce members! :D <3 ps:// love love love love love you baby! :D i cant wait! its our FOURTH MONTH :D! whatever that has been said;
life has been really hard for me these few days, i thought it was all moving smoothly but i guess i was wrong.. i still cant find my calling in life, &when i THINK it is 'THE ONE', after awhile, it turns out a NO NO. i feel so confuse.im trying to hear Him, im trying to communicate with Him & im trying to reach out to Him! BUT! i still cant feel Him, its so near yet so far. i dont know where i should be heading and i dont know what is good for me and whats not good for me! ): over and over again, the same thing happen.. i really dont know what i should do. talk it out? ITS REALLY HARD! do not give up !
 things sure happens for a reason, maybe this is what God wants me to learn and grow from.. cell group last night was indeed comforting. had prayer meeting and i prayed with Wayne, we spoke our hearts out and which its like my so called first time talking to him like really one on one. usually it'll be in a group but yea, we shared things such as school stuff to each other and not having a stand of defence in between to hide all the flaws we have.. it just seemed like we've know each other for a long time.  i felt comfort during worship and God showed me an image of Him with his arms wide open and asking me to walk towards Him and there He will give me rest..theres this verse in the Bible which says, " Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" Matt 11:28 after reading this verse, i felt really good and yes! that was all i needed right yesterday! i felt so let to yearn* and to pray even more now.. He was there when i needed Him. He never left me to face a problem which i cant solve it myself. there is no problems biggger than God that He cannot solve it. The Valley Of Dry Bones - City Harvest Church listening to the recorded sermon on The Valley of Dry Bones by Pst Kong, it jus kept me thinking and it jus totally 'hit me in the head'. its this thing that he said which is, 'in the point of time when you feel all tired and feel like giving up, jus keep walking, keep praying, keep seeking God..' in other words, do not give up even though you feel dry and empty inside.. but jus keep praying and seeking God till you find back the fire. deep in thoughts. than it broke me down.
sometimes i never wanted to do so much thinking and killing my brain cells so much..den i finally broke down in class today. the thoughts that was running thru my head kept going on and on, it felt like as if it was over. im really afraid to feel like how i felt today, give me no more painful thoughts. i had enough, i need a break.i feel so exhausted, i really cant handle this.. it feels like as if im not ready at all. i tot i knew it all, but in fact, i dont..didnt expect things to turn out this way but it all had to happen; inevitable in other words. i feel like a failure for a moment, i never get things done right all the time! thats why i had to screw my own life. to know who really i am. NEGATIVE! NEGATIVE!! NEGATIVE!!! this is so not ME. take my pain away and bring me away from it. lift me up/ pick me up. bring me away... |